But I don’t journal…

I have this amazing friend. She feels called to be a Police Chaplain within our community. Every time she goes out on a call, and I later read about the tragedy, I am left pondering, ‘How does she do it?’

She had a very difficult week, this week. Met a young girl, who in many ways reminded her of herself at the same young age. The young girl had lost her brother in a very tragic way. There was an instant connection of sorts for my friend. She felt drawn to find her a journal.

My friend, herself despises the idea of journaling and writing. Yet she felt compelled to offer this poor sweetheart a companion of sorts through writing. Yet she questioned if it would be fair to offer her a journal, if in fact this girl also despised the idea. As you can imagine, I am not the one to answer the question, ‘Is journaling appropriate for this person? This situation?’.

Imagine for a moment with me, if you will. You are 11yrs old. You lose one of your older brothers to death. You hate writing. (We are just imagining here, not sure if this is the case) Someone hands you a journal…a book with hundreds of empty, lined pages. You are hurting inside, and yet every time you open this journal, it stares back at you. Let’s just imagine you pick up a pen one day while looking at these blank pages. None of your friends understand what you go through every day. Your family was broken to pieces before the tragedy, and now shrapnel is scattered throughout the home, where once there was some semblance of unity. Coping is barely an impossibility in your house, in your own private world. You put pen to paper, and all you do is introduce yourself, ‘Hi, I am ____________.’ What do you suppose might follow these four words? ‘I am a little sister, and I miss my brother terribly’? or perhaps, ‘I hate writing, and don’t even know what I am supposed to do with this stupid thing’?…

For certain, I suppose that none of us could say what may come of the joining of the little girl, the journal and the pen. But my guess, any of us whether we hate writing or not, if we are presented with the opportunity to start….I believe that the power of journaling, would prompt us to find our own words. To share with this very private, non-judging friend. To try to makes sense of a confusing, and painful time. Poor spelling, scrambled thoughts, misaligned clarity…no matter the form, I believe the words would land safely on those blank pages. And again, my experience and belief in journaling tells me…the healing may just begin to be found.

I bless you my friend, and from the deepest parts of me, I bless and hope for this hurting family.

WriteOn my friends…even if you believe you don’t journal.


The Cobwebs Are Clearing

For fun, I thought I would sign up for a class that would be a means of support, community and mostly (for me) accountability.  You see, I have some projects that need to get done, and they involve a lot of writing. Odd for me, I know! We are asked some questions each day about our daily writing experience. We rate how things went. When asked how my ‘creative well’ was to be rated, I started with a 3, murky with cobwebs. I don’t know if it is because maybe I am spread too thin, or because I journal regularly for my own personal well being, but I don’t easily show up to just write and get projects done. Research for hours, that I can do. Making a b-zillion phone calls, that I can do. You name it to distract me from actually doing the writing project…consider that distraction done! I tell myself,  ‘I am developing my ideas’ while I busy about with the tasks…

It’s very interesting to me the number of people in my ‘community’ during this class, that struggle with the same. We avoid the very thing we want to do, like it is the latest flu outbreak. We give negative self talk around it, meaning before, during and even after (assuming we do eventually get around to the writing). We make it quite complicated. Quite ‘to be feared/dreaded’.

All of this causes me to reflect on how many other times in my life, I have followed the same pattern. Gheez the number of times are unbearable to think about. And when I look back at the outcome of varying moments, I realize one thing that I am also finding in this workshop. There is only one step that is needed to transcend the trepidation. ONE thing! Are you ready for it? ~ JUST SHOW UP! My creative well soared to 7 just moments after the very first writing session.

Practice for a few journaling days to name 3 times that you were hesitant to just do what needed to be done. Big or small. Folding laundry, to having that confrontational conversation. Just name the event, and write the eventual outcome. List how many ‘more important’ tasks you found yourself doing. See if you notice a pattern perhaps. See if you get an ‘aha this is interesting’. Remind yourself of (most likely) how smoothly the eventual outcome went, and how accomplished you felt once it was tackled and completed. Use what you find in your journaling session to take with you throughout your day, and see if you can be reminded how worthwhile it is to JUST SHOW UP for the dreaded tasks!

Peace and love!

A look in the mirror

How hard can it be to list affirmations and intentions, with the intent to change habits or behavior in 21 days? Seems simple enough, right?

My dear cousin and I have dreams, and damnit if we are not going to see them happen! Our first of many steps – write the lists. She has hers done…and mine. Me? I have them in my head, and keep promising to get them on paper. I promise her, but it is I that suffers while they are avoided. She is already on week two, I am still here…with my excuses of ‘being frozen, don’t know where to begin, too much on my plate’.

It was suggested to me in a book I am reading, ‘Do you want your dreams or do you want your excuses? Cuz it takes a lot longer to come up with the excuses and execute them, than it does to take action toward your dreams’ – paraphrased of course in the manner I interpreted.

Someone else suggested in my monthly emails ‘you don’t even know what you want, what is enough…because you don’t know how to be satisfied. You don’t give yourself permission to be satisfied’…again, paraphrased.

I met with my ‘Financial Recovery Coach’ this week. I was pissed at how slow ‘this’ is changing/coming along. She, I am sure is struggling to not say, ‘I quit if you won’t do the work’…then she asked me a question, that when answered, it caught me off guard. ‘What is it that you want? Why are you here? What do you hope to accomplish, tell me what the reason you initially contacted me and agreed to work with me?’ It all spilled out with ease, clarity and sincerity. This is what caught me off guard. Me, with an answer to ‘what do I want?’ Because there is a lot that I want. To experience, to see, to have, to enjoy, to do. And not just about money. But the irony I found in my answers had to do with how much of my ‘wants’ in all matters, they begin with shifting this energy with money.

I have begun my list of affirmations to share with my cousin. And I let her know in these exact words, “…until I get this money energy shifted…all else will will be a waste of my energy….another business will be doomed if I already am struggling with how I handle money, a new relationship with a partner will fail as he would be a fool to hang out in such a mess with me, peace will not come when I am spending so much energy on money worries….I MUST shift this money energy!!”

Sometimes looking in the mirror, I hate what I find (figuratively). Sometimes it is what needs to happen, in order to love what I find.

I am on #7 of my affirmations. My intentions are clear. Life teaches us just fine when we take the time to listen to what we know, even if it catches us off guard! I want my dreams! What do you want?

Write it down. Keep asking, ‘anything more?’…. You might be surprised to find out what you didn’t know you know.Good luck to you my friends.

In humble gratitude,

No really, Hello!

Well here it is. I finally did it. I became a blogger. Remember when that word had no relevance? ‘Blogger’…’tis an odd word. While I am on the topic of words ~ ahhh yes, this is why…

My hope is to give insight, ideas, suggestions, comments about all that inspires me to journal. In turn, it is my hope that you too will find how powerful and incredibly useful Journaling can be during these times that we call life. Yes, some of these times are good…really good. While others leave us swimming against the current.

Each post, I hope to bring just a tiny morsel of something for your pen, hand and thoughts to feast on.

Let me know what you think. Share your experiences. Ask questions…after all…those are the juice of wisdom!